The Stresses of Moving to France (and life in general)

I am as familiar with, and as understanding of, the stresses of a life abroad as you are .

Hello there, my name is Daniel and I am a mental health and wellbeing consultant. I provide therapy, coaching, workshops, webinars and copy and content on all things wellness related. My areas of expertise include anxiety disorders, stress management and burnout (both recovery and prevention). Plus, I am the author of two books. Oh, and for a variety of reasons, I moved to France almost two years ago. I am currently living in the middle of the forests of the Dordogne and am working in a mainly online capacity.

The Stress of Moving to France

I’m from London originally, but spent the eight years prior to my relocation living in Bristol. My emigration from the Southwest of England to the Southwest of France contained stresses and strains a ‘plenty, perhaps more than I bargained for. These included financial costs, extracting myself from the bureaucracy of the UK (a slow and painful process), embracing the bureaucracy of my new home (a trial by ordeal), adjusting to my new life, settling in, looking at all the boxes left to unpack and wondering well there hell half my clothes were, and much, much more.

The simple act of registering my car over here was an omnishambolic affair that had me driving around illegally for three months (though no fault of my own), terrified every time I drove past a police check.

The latest issue that tried to push me over the edge involved my Republican Integration Contract (CIR), an initial appointment to sign for it that never existed, and the need by the Powers That Be to produce it for them right now whilst, simultaneously, being unable to arrange an appointment to acquire it.

Oh, and Google decided to cancel my business page at the beginning of the year.

Which was fun. It’s back up now, but that’s three very stressful weeks of my life that I won’t be getting back.

However, I didn’t let any of the above stresses of moving to France get to me. I could have (and understandably so) but, thankfully, I got game.

I teach people resilience and fortitude in the face of adversity and like to think that I lead by example. Life is stressful for all of us. Setting yourself up in a new country brings a particular kind of stress. But stress is a funny little word. It’s not a diagnosis for a start. You can even have good stress. Think of the fun you have had adjusting to life abroad. Think of the happy stress associated with planning a wedding or preparing for the birth of child. Think of a demanding work environment. One where you feel challenged but not overwhelmed. Think of the excitement you felt when you tenuous and stress-provoking récipissé became an actual Carte Sejour (or was that just me?).

Bad stress occurs when you do indeed feel overwhelmed. If you feel pushed over the edge, if you feel you can no longer cope, that is when you need help.

And there is probably a lot to unpick. Because you can become anxious and stressed, or angry and stressed (or both and stressed). You can become depressed through stress. Insomnia is often stress related, so too are skin conditions such as psoriasis. Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) is nearly always stress related. In their stress, people can turn to unhealth coping strategies such as drink or drugs (prescription or recreational) and, also, junk food.

Left unchecked, stress can become acute and chronic. It can lead to burnout. Burnout syndrome was only officially recognised in 2019. Initially thought of as purely an occupational phenomenon, recent studies suggest that is not the case. You can burnout because of work, for sure, but you can also burnout because of life stresses.

Very broadly speaking, three things stress people out more than anything else: feeling out of control, coping with change, and dealing with uncertainty.

People find uncertainty more triggering that certainty. So, not knowing if you are being made redundant, for instance, is more anxiety-provoking than losing your job. With the latter, uncertainty collapses into certainty, and gives you something to focus on.

Constant change is also very stressful. You might be facing one big change, or lots of little changes all at once. When things get bad, they can lead to what is known as an adjustment disorder, which is where the inability to cope with the changes in your life have become clinically severe.

And nobody likes not feeling in control of their lives. A sense of urgency as one

navigates both their personal and professional lives is a big predictor of wellbeing.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, emigrating to another country and building a new life bumps big heads with all three stress-provoking themes. Making the move itself is a really big change, but then there are lots of things that you need to adjust to once you are there. The constantly changing rules and regulations, for a start.

The move does make things uncertain for a while, especially if you’re renewing your visa on an annual basis.

Work doesn’t always work out as well as you would have liked it to, and retirement

doesn’t always work out as well as you thought it would, both of which can trigger a lot of uncertainty. And, obviously, on an almost daily basis, you are discovering so many things you are not in control of or, are not in control of nearly as much as you would like to be (my car registration a case in point).

Anxiety, whilst a component of stress, mainly involves threat and danger. You can

become anxious about anything, including socialising, dealing with bureaucracy,

wondering why your visa hasn’t been renewed yet, whether you’ve made the right decision, following the right procedures, your savings, Asian hornets, electric ants, and much more besides.

When you are unhealthily anxious (as opposed to legitimately concerned about

something), you overestimate the probability of that threat occurring and (at the same time) underestimate your ability to deal with it. Thoughts spiral and become relentless. People typically either avoid the thing they are anxious about, seek reassurance in the face of it, or turn to drink and drugs as coping strategies.

Burnout is what happens when anxiety and stress become extreme and ever-present. Symptoms include constant or near constant exhaustion, dreading responsibilities you once enjoyed, struggles with focus and concentration, feeling detached, or emotionally numb, and unmotivated, making more mistakes than usual, and feeling irritable and anxious often.

If any of this sounds like you, if any of the above resonate, you can book a free 15-

minute consultation with me via my website

Anxiety, stress and burnout have been my areas of expertise for 20 years. During that time, I’ve worked in private practice, private healthcare and occupational health. I’ve also worked in the NHS and for the Priory Hospital. I have not only survived two years in France, but I have also flourished.

I use cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), clinical hypnotherapy and elements of other modalities, including positive psychology to help you manage your anxieties, bring you back from the brink of stress and allow you to recover from (and even prevent) burnout.

I know they work, because I have used them on myself and have used them on myself to help stay calm and rational though many of the stresses and strains that have occurred and will continue to occur as I adapt to a life in France.

Plus, I know how to deal with Asian hornets.